Famous Cats - Bobcat Goldthwait

In a new series, I've decided to celebrate the greats of catterdom, starting with my personal favorite (after the Great Whisker him/herself, of course), Bobcat Goldthwait. Not an actual bobcat, or cat, per say, but, still an honorable and joyous addition to the cat family and the planet earth.

Bobcat began doing stand up in the mid 80's, sharing a bill with Robin Williams, and had several initial cameos on small films like Tapeheads, (awesome) alongside John Cusack and Tim Robbins. I think the first time I ever saw him was in Police Academy 2, where he played the leader of a street gang, Zed (awesome). He later wrote, directed and starred in Shakes the Clown (awesome), and had his fingers in several other pies, including cameos in Twisted Sister and Nirvana videos. Frankly, I think his best work was on Scrooged, which I think might also be the best Christmas movie of all time. Seriously.

His most recent work was a reunion with Robin Williams in World's Greatest Dad, a dark comedy he wrote and directed, to critical favor. In this clip, you can see him getting what many may agree to be some just desserts for an artist who has gone through a delicate and lengthy maturation process, only to emerge as a refined and unique voice often overlooked for his lower-brow exploits (Police Academy 2 = still awesome, I don't care what anybody says). And yes, I am still talking about Bobcat Goldthwait.

New Year's Resolution: Reproduce/Clone/Bone Myself

Right, right, I know, it's impossible or something, you say, 'how can you reproduce yourself when your tools have been deactivated? How can you plant a seed when your daffodil has been mowed over?' Good points, all, good points, but check this out: if all those big monkeys can do it, so can I. Yep, I'm talking about reversing my gato-sectomy.

OK, so I know the plumbing is a little different, and I now that a couple of KEY POINTS that are usually present in human vasectomies are not present in my system, but have faith. I happen to know that one of the other captive felines in my house still HAS HIS family jewels. SO, with careful planning and acute strategy, as well as some sharp knives, I can be a MAN-CAT again! I know it's a bit unethical to swipe another Tom-Cat's Tom-Tom's, but hey, this is war, this is the world we live in, we must be fast and we must be determined if we are to prevail. Inspiring, no? I thought so.

And even if my re-balling-plan doesn't work out for unforeseen genetic splicing issues or something, no problemo. Our government has legalized stem-cell research, and I totally plan to exploit my own plasma and juicy bits to make little versions of myself. I don't really understand the science, but it can't be that hard if a bunch of hairless apes can fumble some petri dishes together and come up with a human lung, right?

So, once I've cloned myself, I'll start altering my next series of clones into bigger and bad-ass-er versions of myself, until I engineer a giant freaking monster cat, 30 STORIES HIGH, and go smashing along the skyline, climb the recently opened Burj Dubai Tower - 1/2 mile high - and let loose a bone-crushing yowl that will reverberate the entire WORLD OVER, EXPLODING THE HEADS OF EVERY UPRIGHT MONKEY ON THE PLANET!!

Then, I'll reverse some of the XX's and Y's and make a girl version of myself.

And then do myself.

C'mon, everybody's wanted to do a girl version of themselves at some point, right? Right.